He watches the guy’s retreating back with interest, and Cora looks up from the biology book she’s frowning at like it was written in some hybrid of Latin and short-hand.
“Who, Derek?” she asks, brow rising. She looks thoughtfully to the space the other guy had occupied seconds before, and pulls a face. “Not really. In fact three of the girls on the swim team very graphically informed me how not shy he is.” She looks slightly sick with it, and let’s out an exaggerated shudder.
So I was watching that edging video (seriously, watch it, your life will be better for it) when an ad in the sidebar caught my eye.
@crossroadswrite, bro, join on me on this journey of porn site bromancing.
Lemme touch it bro. Just being friendly. No homo.
Lemme tenderly cuddle you while you sensually deeptroat that banana. (While dressed vaguely as an old timey sailor.) Just dudes being dudes.
What, bro? Don’t be shy, bro, it’s just a broner. See, I got one too!
Just br…o…s… being b r o s. Bro. Dude. Very dude. Much bro. Wow.
Okay, but this really needs to be more of a thing.
I mean, look, AFTER HOECHLIN SAYING “GUY AND GUY NOT GAY” WHY ISN’T THERE A THOUSAND NEW FICS LIKE THIS??
Imagine Derek. Derek who has always fallen for girls and somehow ended up with the most straight friends ever in high school and he just…doesn’t think about guys? He appreciates guys are good looking, but does he want to fuck a guy? No thank you, he very much likes his sexual partners not to have dicks getting in the way of sexy time proceedings. Plus, Derek is also a romantic so…like…he just kind of was brought up with heterosexual love stories and just…yeah. There’s various downsides to fairy tales ya’ll.
Anyway, the point is thE DUDE IS VERY MUCH INTO GUYS BUT HE DOESN’T RECOGNISE THE SIGNS. He doesn’t realise complimenting a fellow bro on their booty in some shorts means anything more (to him) than the fact that that ass is damn fine and should be complimented because, in Derek’s book, this bullcrap about guys not being able to compliment each other sucks.
ANYHOW, then Derek meets Stiles and Stiles is just…well, he’s annoying that’s what he is, so Derek mistakes UST for hatred. But imagine college okay, like, Stiles is his new roommate and Stiles…well…DEREK ISN’T GOING TO SAY HE LOOKS BAD IN ONLY A TOWEL. And Stiles is very very openly bi, okay? And Derek is all GOOD FOR YOU but I’m straight when Stiles tries to come on to him that one time.
But then there is this one night. THIS ONE NIGHT where Derek comes home early from the library to find Stiles jerking off and Stiles falls off the bed because DON’T SCARE A GUY LIKE THAT. And then there is just a moment with them staring at each other and then Stiles’ dick and Stiles is very huffy because THIS WAS HIS FIRST OPPORTUNITY TO JERK OFF IN TWO WEEKS WITHOUT DEREK BEING IN. And Derek actually feels really bad because, well, orgasms are important, so he is just all “you can go back to what you were doing, don’t mind me” and Stiles is all ????? “Look, I came home early. You should get to finish. I won’t look, I promise. I’ll even put my earphones in.” And well, Stiles has a bit of an exhibitionist kink and Derek is hot like burning so…
So he goes back to what he was doing and Derek ignores him. At first. But then Stiles’ moans get louder and Derek….well…it’s the sex noises, it’s just the sex noises that are making his own dick twitch. Nothing more than sexual sounds. That is all.
And yet, there he is, unable to help but subtly glance in the mirror which shows him everything and Derek just about dies because Stiles isn’t jerking off, he’s fucking himself on a dildo and Derek….Derek’s mouth goes very dry because he’s never done that before. He’s tried touching himself a few times…there, but he’s always been kind of shy about it.
And he is fascinated watching Stiles, okay? That is until he hears “if you are going to watch, at least help a brother out? My hand is cramping”. And Derek frowns because, what? But then he realises. The dildo is pretty heavy, it’s huge actually, and before Derek knows what he’s doing he is making his way over to Stiles’ bed and taking the dildo from him, letting Stiles fuck himself on it and twisting it this way and that for, uh, science. Yeah, science, and when Stiles comes Derek doeS NOT HAVE THE URGE TO KISS HIM. NOPE NOPE NOPE. WHY WOULD HE WANT THAT? THEY ARE BROS. LESS THAN BROS. THEY ARE….something.
Shit.
Yes, friend, I am here for this! (Also, bro @crossroadswrite, you still need to get in on this.)
Because Derek is confused after that, okay? Like, really fucking confused.
And I’m gonna add a read more, cause this shit is getting LONG!
Okay! Yes to all of this BUT LET’S TALK ABOUT HOW MAAAAYBE …
Innocent little Derek, just helpin’ a bro out. Workin’ the dildo and maybe offering a reach around too and NOT freaking out.
Because, you know. They’re bros. He’d do it for his other bros, right?
(He tries not to think about how, no, he probably wouldn’t.)
But it’s not GAY. Okay? It’s like… it’s like guy on guy, which is not gay.
He’s pretty sure there’s a distinction.
But anyway, he starts coming home to that same scene over and over. And now it’s not even a question of helping out. He fucks Stiles with a dildo or jerks him off and it’s. Not a big deal.
Helping a bro out. Giving him a hand in the literal sense.
And okay, so a few times he popped a boner, but it’s a physiological reaction to the NOISES, not the fact that it’s a guy, and Stiles’ offer to help him out that first time was only expected, really. After all, Derek’s been helping Stiles out, so…
And maybe the second time Stiles helped him there were less helping hands than helping lips and tongue and hot, wet mouth sucking him down sweet and hot and perfect, but…
But it’s just bros helping each other out.
Right?
Derek’s not entirely sure how he went from holding the dildo to rolling on a condom, lubing up, and replacing the dildo with his own dick tonight, but…
…He breathes out, and it sounds like a whine, but he definitely wouldn’t be whining just because Stiles feels so fucking hot and tight around him, his ass clinging as Derek slowly pulls out before rocking back in…
“It’s just bros helping bros. Right?”
“Sure thing, buddy,” Stiles moans, hands gripping the headboard for leverage before he pulls forward and slams back onto Derek’s cock, making him nearly bite through his tongue at how GOOD that feels, holy god. “You’re the best bro. Such a good bro that I’ll even take you to the movies tomorrow, my treat, for helping me out like this. …Bro.”
“Yeah, okay,” Derek gasps, having long lost the thread of their conversation as Stiles grinds against him and maybe sneakily slides one hand down to tickle at Derek’s hole with a lubed-up finger.
(Stiles KNEW his banana eating technique would wear Derek down eventually.)
(Their wedding invitations say, “It’s just a bro thing.”)
THE WEDDING OMG, I’M CRYING!!
But, in truth, I can’t see it going this far. Yes, dumb boys is my fave thing in fic, but there’s dumb and then there’s deluded. What I WILL do, is add what I babbled at @pale-silver-comb last night while we threw feelings at each other.
So Derek went through his sexual crisis, right, had all the thoughts, read all the things and made the final decision. But, what if, somewhere along the way, he sort of… forgot to tell Stiles?
And so he just starts to give Stiles things. Like flowers and chocolates and small cute things he thought Stiles would like. He asks him out for drinks and they share meals and they’re having a great time
But Stiles just kinda assumes that it’s Derek trying to make up for how awkward things were after “That Night”, and he knows Derek is generally a very relaxed dude about gender roles and such. So, yeah, he already told Stiles a few times he looked nice, before things got awkward, and he’s done him favors and carried heavy shit for him, so it’s… not all that different? So he honestly just thinks Derek is going the extra mile to make sure they can live together the rest of their college years without killing each other.
So when Derek gets all wounded puppy over him not touching the latest offering of chocolates Stiles is a little confused. Because, well. Thanks, but “we were going for pizza, weren’t we? I thought we could eat them later?” and meanwhile Derek is still a little hurt that Stiles’ only reaction to gifts so far has been “oh. Cool.” and tossing them on his bed or his desk. The chocolates were expensive and in a fucking heart shaped box, Derek could hardly be more obvious. Except maybe if he actually ASKED STILES THE FUCK OUT ON A DAAAAAATE.
Idiots
So Derek is hurt, and Stiles is confused, and Derek also isn’t very good with words, so the fact that this is on him doesn’t bode well, frankly. But, luckily, Stiles is pretty good at digging. So when Derek tries to run away and lick his wounds, because OBVIOUSLY Stiles has been trying to give him a hint with a clue-by-four for literally weeks, by not really making much of his gifts, or making even a single move for a kiss or anything, literally anything to show a desire to be closer. Because Derek never makes a move until he knows he’s welcome. He is a GOOD GUY. HE CAN READ THE SIGNS. But Stiles has just NOT BEEN GIVING HIM ANY!!
Because, of course, Stiles wasn’t aware that was even an option. -bangs head on a desk a few dozen times-
So ANYWAY
It’s kind of the last straw for Derek, and he’s ready to just run the fuck away, request a new roommate or just sleep in the fucking common room or something. But Stiles can tell Derek is upset, and they’ve come so far, he doesn’t wanna see it all crumble because he somehow stepped in it.
“Hey, Derek, hang on! Whatever I did, I’m sorry. I love the chocolates, really! Wanna eat some now and ruin our appetites like the rebels we are?”
“NO, I DON’T WANT THE DAMN CHOCOLATES.”
“O… kay? Well what then?”
“Never mind. I just thought. But you never. It’s not important. I’ll get over it.”
“Get over WHAT, Derek? Seriously, if I fucked up, we gotta talk about this! Don’t just run off!”
And Derek finally comes around enough to get that Stiles is genuinely upset, and that was so totally not what he meant to do, ugh, he can never do anything right.
“No, it’s not you, I’M the one who fucked up. I thought after the… thing… that we could… that you’d wanna… with me… but you never… and I didn’t know how to… but whatever, I get it now.”
“Well, that makes ONE of us, cause I don’t get what you just said. I think you lost some words in there. So what do you GET, Derek!?”
Super awkward shuffling and avoiding of eyes
“That you don’t want… -vague hand gesture between them- with me.”
Stiles repeates vague hand gesture with a frown added.
Derek frowns back.
Stiles gestures more, and adds angry owl head swirling.
Derek makes angrier eyebrows and they have a ridiculous stare-off for a while.
“Start over! From the top, Derek! And this time, start with asking me on, oh, I dunno, a DATE MAYBE!!”
…
…
…
“I did.”
“Trust me, you did not. I would have noticed.”
“I did! I asked you for coffee!”
“At 2 am before a paper was due!”
“I bought you flowers!”
“You said they were in season!”
“They were!”
“Not important, dumbass!”
“… I asked you. I did!”
“No, you asked me to do things we’ve been doing the whole time. Just a little nicer.”
And now Derek feels kinda bad. Kicked puppy all over again. But if them’s the breaks, he is gonna do as Stiles says, try and again and fucking NAIL it this time. He may look a little scary in his determination for second there.
“Hey, no, Derek-”
“Wanna go out with me? On a DATE?”
And yeah, this is the Derek Stiles has gotten to know. The one who takes the hits and then gets right back up again, even when he’s been a moron, and so Stiles smiles all sweetly at him.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’d love to. But…”
-frown- “But…?”
Stiles sidles in closer. “You’re gonna have to kiss me goodnight, then. After.”
“Oh, really?” Derek might be feeling a little hot, because okay, he thought about it, he did, but Stiles is really really close now.
“Yeah. Really. In fact… I’m gonna have to insist.” He’s so close now, breath washing over Derek’s lips.
“Maybe… uhm… maybe I don’t wanna wait until… after.”
“Read my mind,” Stiles sighs, and Derek is at least reassured that he knows those damn signs when he’s actually getting them, and he can’t remember what he was even confused about, because it’s so easy, leaning in, and Stiles’ lips are not at all “manly” in any way, if that if even a thing lips can be, Derek doubts it. They’re soft and alive under his, and good god, it’s probably the best kiss of Derek’s life, bar none. Seriously, he’s pretty sure he whimpers a little bit. And Stiles doesn’t even mock him for it, just licks his bottom lip one last time before pulling away to nuzzle his nose, so gently and sweetly.
“So. Are we gonna eat or what, cause I’m starving, Derek, I’m not kidding, I think my stomach is trying to eat my spine.”
And it’s so weird, but also so right to snort at Stiles’ antics and drag him out by the elbow and slam the door behind them. But they hold hands all the way to the pizza place, and yeah, they totally share the chocolates later. In bed.
I will betray y’all and say: I like buzzcut Stiles BUT Stiles with longer hair means that Derek has where to grab when Stiles is blowing him. OOPS!
I mean, just picture it: Derek holding Stiles’ by the hair as he fucks Stiles’ mouth, and Stiles is moaning like woah because he loves it??? He loves to give Derek that control, because he knows Derek will never hurt him, and because he actually loves to give bjs? Loves how Derek’s cock feels on his tongue, loves the hint of claws on his scalp, never enough to break the skin, as Derek loses a bit of his control, because it just feels that good????????
I can’t exactly resist to that thought!!!!!!!
Okay while I am 100% on board with this, I will see your porntastic sexytimes and raise you FEELINGS.
Teenage Stiles has had his hair buzzed for awhile, okay? It’s easier to keep clean and requires absolutely zero maintenance and it’s a haircut he can do himself. It does not require anybody to transport him to the barber and it does not require any money to exchange hands. It just requires about 10-15 minutes in the bathroom with an electric razor.
His mom was the first one to give him a buzz cut, and okay, maybe that has something to do with it too. She would rub her hand over his freshly shorn head and plant a kiss right in the center and say “I love you” before letting Stiles run off to play.
And, you know, he keeps it buzzed for awhile after…after. Because his dad will do the same thing, rubbing his hand over Stiles’s short hair, not saying anything but the implied I love you is there all the same.
Anyway. So. Stiles grows his hair out for the last couple of years of high school for a variety of reasons, but the day he goes to college he looks in the mirror, gets out the electric razor he hasn’t really used in almost two years, and buzzes his hair again. He couldn’t really say why, but maybe it has something to do with the way his dad’s eyes get kind of sad and nostalgic. The way his dad rubs a hand over his head before Stiles hops in the Jeep and heads off.
It’s way easier to keep blood out of buzzed hair, anyway.
So Stiles trundles himself off to college in the Great Midwest, where he spends pretty much the entire winter freezing his ass off but at least there are approximately zero supernatural emergencies.
And on the first warm day in April, he’s standing in line at the coffee shop when who does he see lounging in a cushy chair, reading a book, but Derek fucking Hale.
Derek’s just as surprised to see Stiles as Stiles is to see him, but they end up sitting down to coffee together. And the next thing they know two hours have passed and they’re both hungry, and Derek knows this diner down the street that Stiles keeps meaning to go to but he hasn’t yet, so they go there and get food and keep talking and keep talking and by the time Stiles heads back to the dorm for the night, he has Derek’s new number and a promise to go see the new Marvel movie opening that weekend.
And it’s not a date, but it is a date, because all the feelings Stiles kept buried for two years suddenly bubble back up like whoa, and he would be worried except Derek is smiling and he keeps looking at Stiles’s lips and maybe they kiss after the movie, all soft and cautious because they’ve both been hurt, but it still tastes like hope.
And after a couple of weeks of coffee dates and burger dates and chaste kisses, Stiles is cuddled up against Derek while they’re watching some animated movie on Netflix and then Derek turns and kisses his temple and rubs his big hand over Stiles’s buzzed hair.
It sends a jolt down his spine, warm and electric, because nobody’s ever done it but his family, and Stiles shoots up straight.
Derek is frozen. “What–did I–I’m sorry–”
“No!” Stiles doesn’t want Derek to be sorry. “No, no, it’s just…my mom used to do it. She would always rub my head and tell me she loved me after she buzzed it.”
The other words get tangled in his tongue, but Stiles doesn’t really need them because understanding passes over Derek’s face and he nods. “Then I won’t.”
“No, that’s not…I don’t mind. If you do. I just wasn’t expecting it.”
He settles back down against Derek, burrowing into his side and getting comfortable again, and it takes a few minutes but then Derek relaxes and drops his arm around Stiles once again.
And after another few minutes, he rests his palm on Stiles’s head, rubbing the short hair, and Stiles melts further into him, all warmth and contentment.
And then Derek presses a kiss to the top of his head and whispers, “I love you.”
Stiles has to bury his face in Derek’s chest to hide the way he tears up, the way his throat closes at the words, but he knows Derek understands. Maybe it would be too soon from someone else, but in this moment, nothing could feel more right.
And maybe Stiles keeps his hair buzzed, just to see the way Derek’s face softens when he rubs it, the gentle way he kisses his head in the mornings, the way he mouths I love you every time his fingers skate over Stiles’s scalp.
So yeah. Buzzcut Stiles.
Okay, I agree with you, @mad-madam-m, I like buzzcut Stiles but I RAISE YOU MY COUNTER ARGUMENT
Stiles leaving his hair hair grow is mostly because he’s experimenting. At some point he just went a tad too long without shaving all of it, so he might as well grow it and see what happens. It’s a mix of laziness and curiosity behind the decision.
That, and, well. He’s seen how good Derek looks with his hair styled. Stiles might or might not be aiming for that. Maybe.
Okay, Stiles knows he’ll never be as hot as Derek. He’s aware of how he looks, and that Derek is something out of a wet dream. But… He can try. Maybe he’ll become a little bit more attractive. Maybe he’ll attract one specific pair of hazel-green-gray-what-color-even eyes.
Lydia also seems to like the look, passing Stiles a backhanded comment about Stiles finally growing past ten and developing a half decent hairstyle. She then makes a jab at Stiles’ plaids, and wow. Okay, he’s never letting go of his plaids. He’ll be buried in a plaid shirt.
But the hair, the hair Stiles agrees. And at first it’s weird, because he isn’t used to his hair being this big. And he has absolutely no idea what he’s doing with hair products; he has a tendency of abusing hair gel. He knows he’ll get the hang of it, eventually. It’s not too bad now, he thinks.
(it sorta is)
But Stiles likes it, in a way. It makes him look a bit older, he realizes, and it’s not totally bad. He especially feels like he likes the hair when Derek looks at him after a fight, and Stiles is dripping all over Derek’s loft, but he can’t do anything about it – it was raining, Stiles got drenches. But all it takes is one look from Derek, one lingering look, and Derek saying “You look different with your hair like this”, before shuffling away with the tips of his ears red for Stiles to decide he loves his hair longer.
It also… Feels good to let go a little bit. He kept the looks because his mother first shaved his head, back when he was a kid and lice was a problem. He kept it later, because he thought he looked badass like that, and his mother was so amused by it. Then she got sick. Then she died.
Stiles kept it out of having this one ritual they had together preserved. He thinks… He has other ways of remembering her.
Then college comes around, and Stiles has the most vain guy for a roommate. Dude is chill, sure, but he has all kinds of beauty products for men on Earth, things Stiles never even heard of, and at first it’s a source of mockery, but then… Well. His roommate looks nice, the gay guys at the campus dig his looks, and Stiles is nothing but willing to learn.
He ditches the hair gel, buys some new shampoo, finds out what a leave-in is. He goes on Google, and reads about pomades, and hair mousses, and hair wax, and wow. It’s a lot. But Stiles is nothing but diligent when learning things. He got this.
Stiles doesn’t have the patience for much, but he quickly learns it doesn’t kill to do some basic styling, and it’s actually pretty easy once he gets the hang of it. He also realizes that it’s very rewarding when Scott coos at him, and Lydia sniffs sensibly, saying “Finally” in a tone that makes Stiles laugh.
And then… There’s Derek. Derek who eyes him for a long long time when he comes back for Summer break, Derek who tracks Stiles as he goes, and sure, Stiles filled out a bit more, is still pretty much lean, but not gangly. And okay, so Lydia picked the shirt for today, and he knows his not-as-baggy-jeans are also doing him a favor but. He looks nice. He feels nice. And Derek seems to know it, seems to dig it too, and Stiles feels really confident for once in his life.
So when the nights is almost over, and Derek corners him in the kitchen, and very straight forward asks him to stay, hah! Stiles isn’t about to pass that us.
Later Derek ruined his hair style by gripping it as Stiles went down on him, and his hair is sticking weirdly where it was mushed on the pillow as they fucked, but then Derek says that the sexed up hair looks good on Stiles, and really. He can’t even be slightest mad when they tumble back into bed to mess it a bit more.
Derek’s out of his element as they stumble back to Stiles’ shared house, he’s never really had one night stands, taken his studies seriously, put books first, earned his place at college through hard work and a dusty social life. He’s remarkably okay with pretending to be someone who does this regularly if it means he gets one night of it with Stiles.
Derek doesn’t do relationship since… Well, he doesn’t do relationships, but he excels at one-night-stands. He has a system and it works. He doesn’t need any more than that. He’s happy. Then he spends a night with Stiles and something changes.
He thinks later, selfishly, that he wishes Lydia had been that little bit sicker, because then he would have stayed at home with her that night, and he never would have met Stiles.
But it didn’t happen that way.
AN: First chapter can be read as a stand-alone PWP
“Oh my god!” Stiles hissed, his back colliding with the door. “Oh my god! I slept with my boss, oh my god. I’m a walking cliché!”
It was supposed to be a one night stand. No complications, no feelings, no baggage. But then a missed doctor’s appointment in his childhood comes back to haunt him and Stiles is left with a lot more than one very good night.
The Jungle, a place to get funky, for Stiles to get his dirty-twirl on, is basically a dive-bar Sunday to Wednesday. Which means that his little plan to find some smokin’ hot strange might be slightly…derailed.
Then a smoking hot werewolf mistakes Stiles for someone else, and he thinks what the hell, what can a quick hook-up hurt? He’s definitely not worried about his heart…though maybe he should be.
The guy was really too young for the leather daddy aesthetic, but with the leather and the more-beard-than stubble and the eyebrows… Yeah, he was kinda working the hot grumpy leather daddy biker gang leader look.
And Stiles liked it.
***
For the prompt: Sterek soul mark fic wherein marks never match, they just line up perfectly to be a shape.
From the bathroom came sounds of the guy brushing his teeth. Stiles rubbed the fifty dollar bill between his fingers and felt cheap. “Dude, I’m not taking your money.”
The guy spat and turned the faucet on. “Take the money. You said you lived in Queens last night? Who the hell lives in Queens.”
The fifty seemed gritty in his fingers, but he put it in the back pocket of his ridiculously tight jeans, anyway. That was, like, a five-hour shift at the coffee shop where he worked, Common Grounds, with tips. “And don’t call me ‘dude,’” the guy continued, turning off the faucet. “I’m not your college bro. It’s Derek.”
What about arranged marriage au but they actually already know each other from a one night stand. They just didn’t know until the actual wedding day when they first meet.
“Listen I know we have to talk about this sometime, and that there’s just about no way we can escape this night, but for right now could we just pretend that this is not our wedding and just dance?”
“He isn’t even aware he’s staring until the guy turns that glare to him and Stiles can instantly feel his dick grow hard. Seriously, fear boners are a thing. He has the evidence in his too tight skinny jeans.”
Or, in which Stiles has a one night stand to get over Lydia and falls in love. Yeah. Nice.
College AU – When Lydia dumps Stiles to get back with Jackson, Stiles rebounds with Derek, his former TA. It was just supposed to be a one night stand, but they’re both a little confused about what the rules for those are.
“I have the best idea in the history of ideas!” Danny croaks loudly, bouncing even more giddily. “Guys, we’re taking Stiles here with us.”
The one where Danny kidnaps Stiles for a night of fun at Jungle that leads to first times and revelations that Stiles is perfectly happy to keep to himself afterwards. Life however has other ideas.
Derek loves his kids. He does. But… every once in a while he needs a break from them. It’s natural. It’s totally fine. He needs some “me” time occasionally. It’s allowed, okay?
At least this is what he keeps telling himself when he drops the kids and their overnight bags off at his older sister Laura’s house.
…when your sister sets you up on a blind date with the one night stand you hooked up with three weeks ago who vanished without a goodbye leaving you pathetically heartbroken.
Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver except it’s playing from your neighbor’s radio that you can hear from your back porch, which you sit out on to relax in spite of the loud buzzing from the lightbulb and the hoards of moths that flock to it on summer evenings like this.
This is just literally what it’s like to sit on my porch
One of the most bizarrely cool people I’ve ever met was an oral surgeon who treated me after a ridiculous accident (that’s another story), Dr. Z.
Dr. Z. was, easily, the best and most competent doctor or dentist I’ve ever encountered – and after that accident, I encountered quite a number. He came stunningly highly recommended, had an excellent record, and the most calming bedside manner I’ve ever seen.
That last wasn’t the sweet gentle caretaking sort of manner, which some nurses have but you wouldn’t expect to see in a surgeon. No; when Dr. Z. told me that one of my broken molars was too badly damaged to save, and I (being seventeen and still moderately in shock) broke down crying, he stared at me incredulously and said, in a tone of utter bemusement, “But – I am very good.”
I stopped crying on the spot. In the last twenty-four hours or so of one doctor after another, no one had said anything that reassuring to me. He clearly just knew his own competence so well that the idea of someone being scared anyway was literally incomprehensible to him. What more could I possibly ask for?
(He was right. The procedure was very extended, because the tooth that needed to be removed was in bits, but there was zero pain at any point. And, as he promised, my teeth were so close together that they shifted to fill the gap to where there genuinely is none anymore, it’s just a little easier to floss on that side.)
But Dr. Z.’s insane competence wasn’t just limited to oral surgery.
When I met Dr. Z., he, like most doctors I’ve had, asked me if I was in college, and where, and what I was studying. When I say “math,” most doctors respond with “oh, wow, good for you” or possibly “what do you want to do with that after college?”
Dr. Z. wanted to know what kind of math.
I gave him the thirty-second layman’s summary that I give people who are foolish enough to ask that. He responded with “oh, you mean–” and the correct technical terms. I confirmed that was indeed what I meant (and keep in mind, this was upper-division college math, you don’t take this unless you’re a math major). He asked cogent follow-up questions, and there ensued ten or so minutes of what I’d call “small talk” except for how it was an intensely technical mathematical discussion.
He didn’t, as far as I can tell, have any kind of formal math background. He just … knew stuff.
I was a competitive fencer at this point in time, so when he asked if I had any questions about the surgery that would be necessary, I asked him if I’d be okay to fence while I had my jaw wired shut, or if it would interfere with breathing.
“Fencing?” he said.
“Yes,” I said, “like swordfighting,” because this is another conversation I got to have a lot. (People assume they’ve misheard you, or occasionally they think you mean building fences.)
“Which weapon?”
“Uh. Foil.”
“No, it won’t be safe,” and he went off into an explanation of why.
Turns out, he was also a serious fencer – and, when I mentioned my fencing coach, an old friend of his. (I asked my fencing coach later, and, oh yes, Dr. Z., a good friend of mine, excellent fencer.) (My coach was French. Dr. Z. was Israeli. I never saw Dr. Z. around the club or anything. I have no idea how they knew each other.)
So this was weird enough that later, when I was home, I looked Dr. Z. up on Yelp. His reviews were stellar, of course, but that wasn’t the weird thing.
The weird thing was that the reviews were full of people – professionals in lots of different fields – saying the same thing: I went to Dr. Z. for oral surgery, and he asked me about what I did, and it turned out he knew all about my field and had a competent and educated discussion with me about the obscure technical details of such-and-such.
All sorts of different fields, saying this. Lawyers. Businessmen. Musicians.
As far as I can tell, it’s not that I just happened to be pursuing the two fields he had a serious amateur interest in – he just seemed to be extremely good at literally everything.
I have no explanation for this. Possibly he sold his soul to the devil.
the veil between the worlds is thin tonight but my restraint to summon a creature older than humanity and curl into its void arms to listen to stories from before the universe existed is thinner
shealwaysreads 