I’m not a film studies person, but I was thinking about Jupiter Ascending and The Matrix. Just the first Matrix, I have no time for the other two.
”Boys and girls are different, you know that? Little boys have fantasies in which they’re faster, or smarter, or able to fly. Where they hide their faces in secret identities and listen to the people who despise them admiring their remarkable deeds. Pathetic, bespectacled, rejected Perry Porter is secretly The Amazing Spider. Gawky, bespectacled, unloved Clint Clarke is really Hyperman.
“Now, little girls, on the other hand, have difference fantasies. Much less convoluted. Their parents are not their parents. Their lives are not their lives. They are princesses. Lost princesses from distant lands. And one day the King and Queen, their real parents, will take them back to their land, and then they’ll be happy for ever and ever.”
– The Cuckoo, A Game of You by Neil Gaiman
I read those comics over and over when I was younger. There were a few bits that really stuck with me. This was one of them, because for me it was definitely true.
I saw Jupiter Ascending over the weekend. I enjoyed it immensely, although I don’t think I would ever go so far as to call it a good movie. But it got me thinking.
The Matrix is an archetypal boys’ story. Neo is the Chosen One. He goes from being boring and ordinary to knowing kung fu, being able to fly – when he becomes The One, he is literally limited only by the scope of his own imagination.
Jupiter Ascending is an archetypal girls’ story. I’ve seen it referred to over and over as a well-made big-budget equivalent of a writer’s first fic: the terrible Mary Sue self-insert princess with the alliterative and meaningful name who falls for a gruff loner space werewolf named Caine Wise (really? Not Caine Nine?). People threaten her and she is rescued, because she is precious and worth rescuing – initially only for their promised reward but eventually for her own sake. She is declared to be space royalty in a faintly ridiculous but apparently incontrovertible fashion, and she runs the gamut of clichés (including an interrupted wedding and a kidnapped family) on her way to an ultimate sacrifice that still somehow results in a happy ending where the major difference in her life is that she is content with it (and also she has a sexy space-werewolf boyfriend and some hover-skates).
I guess what I’m trying to say is, The Matrix and Jupiter Ascending are two sides of the same coin. They take the childhood stories associated with each gender and mix them with impressive cinematography and costumes. (I do wonder about Lana – if perhaps she has always identified more with the Jupiter Ascending storyline than with the Matrix, and now that she’s out she can put her childhood myth on the big screen along with the more stereotypically male one. If so, I hope she enjoyed making it as much as I enjoyed seeing it.)
Coming back to what I said earlier.
I enjoyed it immensely, although I don’t think I would ever go so far as to call it a good movie.
Why not? Is Jupiter Jones a dumber name than “Neo”? (Yes, I know he was originally Thomas Anderson, but he goes by Neo throughout the movies.) Is Caine Wise a dumber name than Trinity? Is Laurence Fishburne a better mentor than Sean Bean? (Okay, maybe I would pick him if I got the choice. Hanging out with him and Gina Torres would be awesome. But that’s more or less a matter of taste.) Does it make less sense for humans to be processed into fountain-of-youth goo than turned into giant batteries? (IMO it actually makes more sense, because while it is highly implausible it at least doesn’t necessarily violate thermodynamics.)
But The Matrix is lauded as a sci-fi classic. It has 87% on Rotten Tomatoes. Jupiter Ascending has 22%. I’ll admit the main points of its plot could be presented slightly more coherently at the start, but that’s really not enough to account for the discrepancy.
So what is? Why did I start this by saying I wouldn’t call it a good movie? I really meant it when I typed it, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that it was my own internalised misogyny causing me to distance myself from any presentation of the “girly” archetype. I don’t know if I’ll have time to see it again at the cinema, but I want to see it with this thought firmly in place:
Jupiter Ascending is a female equivalent of The Matrix. Visually impressive, couple of holes in the plot, definitely a lot of fun. But I (and who knows how many others) have held myself at a distance because I don’t want to be associated with girly things. Even if you dress it up with spacesuits and dogfights and occasional ladies in lingerie, this film draws its inspiration from the stories little girls tell themselves. The stories we are ridiculed for, and eventually pushed back from, so that we can be respected.
In the past decade, superhero movies have enjoyed a resurgence. I love them, and I’m not going to stop going to them. But wouldn’t it be nice if these female monomyths were given the same space and cultural acceptance, so that girls didn’t need to be ashamed of them?
SAY IT
I think it’s also pretty important that in this one movie we were given a RANGE of female fantasies. If you can’t identify with everygirl wide-eyed Jupiter Jones, you had conniving Kalique, or single-minded laser-shooting-motorbike-rising Razo, or coolly-in-command Diomika Tsing, or hyper-competent-close-to-power Famulus, or cranky-but-loving-mom Aleksa, and each of these characters is a fully-realized character with her own NAME and backstory that you can dream of developing further for yourself. There were a huge number of Really Cool female characters to work with which I rarely see in other SFF films… usually we get one or two.
do you want to see a movie where you have no idea what is going on for the first forty-five minutes? jupiter ascending is the film for you! other highlights include:
a ten minute long spaceship fight with no context or purpose, which destroys a city. “no one will remember” channing tatum growls as they leave the city, as if youtube does not exist
“here’s a latke for you, bitch”
someone using a menstrual pad as a bandage by slapping the sticky part onto the wound, leaving the actual blood-absorbing part just kind of…waving around
actors chewing the scenery so hard i’m surprised beautifully over-constructed bits of space metal aren’t just falling out of their mouths
a man trying to shoot thousands of bees in the middle of a cornfield
a gun that makes dog noises. it barks. the gun barks.
oedipus complexes so beautifully twisted and terrible that you will spend half the movie mouthing “oh my god” to yourself
related to that, the climactic line of the movie is “i’m not your damn mother,” so take that as you will
a breathtakingly gorgeous and complex universe used as a background for a romance between woman and a man. granted, the man is a wolf angel. but still.
I CREATE LIVES……………….
[whispers] and destroy them
no i’m sorry i have to keep going
“bees can sense royalty”
mila kunis having the powerful realization partway through that she is a furry, an epiphany that changes her life
“i love dogs” she whispers, eyes wide
SPACE BUREAUCRACY. A MONTAGE THAT IS JUST SPACE BUREAUCRACY. THEY FILL OUT SPACE FORMS. IN SPACE.
“bees can sense royalty”
channing tatum, shirtless in the void of space
a room FILLED WITH CANDLES
soylent green nectar…….is…………….peeeeoplllle
“bees can sense royalty”
sean bean’s apparent daughter, who shows up onscreen for a minute and a half, leaves to get supplies for dinner, and never comes back
yeah sean bean is in this too i didn’t believe it either
“bees can sense royalty”
a space wedding. it’s just like an earth wedding. BUT IN SPACE
mila kunis’ character’s name is jupiter
yes i am dead serious about this
she spends most of the movie falling
they really should have called it “jupiter descending” because that’s all she does
“bees can sense royalty”
All that repetition of how bees can sense royalty, and you leave out the fact that the bees were an alarm system set up by Sean Bean, who is part bee.
Here’s the thing about JUPITER ASCENDING, literally the greatest movie ever made. Is it “good,” or is it, more probably, garbage? I really don’t have the capacity to say. I’m not Saint Roger Ebert, olav hasholem, over here. I took one film class and it was about whether real stuff is, like, real, or is there even such a thing as, like, really real, man, you know?? (There isn’t. I got an A.) I’m not here to tell you if it is good. I am only a woman with eyes and ears and joy centers in my brain. Here is what I will tell you. Look at my icon. As daeontherun so rightly pointed out, my icon was both of our faces for the ENTIRE DURATION of this movie.
Do you need to know any more than that? Do you need to know any more than that you will be flooded with pure, innocent delight for two hours? Here is my feeling about this movie: it is your garbage. It is garbage for you. “Is this how straight dudes feel at the movies all the time????” I hissed at daeontherun SEVERAL times during this movie. “Like someone carefully noted down your early pubescent fantasies and then threw 100 MILLION DOLLARS at them?”
I would describe this feeling as, like, a combination of arousal, joy, and fond knowing chagrin. “Oh you,” you find yourself thinking at Jupiter Ascending as shirtless Channing Tatum gruffly but torturedly checks his weaponry, while Sean Bean voiceover rumbles in his beautiful Northern growl about how tortured and loyal shirtless Channing Tatum is and how he needs his PACK. Ten seconds before this, Channing Tatum and Sean Bean were sexily punching each other while yelling about their emotions. “You know what I like, you crazy beautiful bastard,” you say to Jupiter Ascending, shaking your head fondly. Mila Kunis wakes up in a beautiful dress, blinking slowly with her long gorgeous lashes. “Feel my skin,” naked Tuppence Middleton purrs at her [REDACTED 4 SPOILERS]’s clone, Mila Kunis, gently caressing her bare arm. Gugu Mbatha-Raw stands over Channing Tatum and sexily taunts him. There is a 20 minute Henson-evoking sequence about [REDACTED 4 SPOILERS BUT TRUST ME THAT IT’S AMAZING]. Eddie Redmayne flutters an elegant hand around while hoarsely gasping out sociopathic, vaguely incestuous promises in a fucking SEQUIN TITS OUT DRESSING GOWN with ARM WINGS in his EVIL SPACE CATHEDRAL THRONE ROOM!!!! “DO U LIKE DIS?” Jupiter Ascending asks, glancing shyly at you. “I MAKED IT.” “Of course I like it,” you say, overcome by joy and wonder, kissing Jupiter Ascending on the forehead. “I’ve never liked anything this much, and I love you more than anyone in the whole world.” I don’t want to be controversial, but if I had to choose between Jupiter Ascending and Citizen Kane I would immediately travel back in time, murder Orson Welles, and walk away whistling. I would cheerfully burn the entire Criterion Collection to the ground for this movie. Go see Jupiter Ascending. You’re welcome.
if cinderella, star wars, the matrix, dune, the fifth element, flash gordon, the chronicles of riddick, interstellar, brazil, and america’s next top model were genetically spliced together, the resulting offspring would still not be as utterly catastrophically ridiculous as jupiter ascending
this film is beautiful it’s glittering and dust and stars and roiling hurricanes and gleaming insectile spaceships and fire and a million million candles in high-arching space cathedrals
WIDE SHOT OF PLANET WHILE MAJESTIC ORCHESTRAL SCORE
should be called jupiter descending mila kunis spends ninety percent of this film falling out of the sky until rescued by channing tatum who is a tortured wolf-man wearing bad elf-ears and flying skates
SKATING IN MID AIR WHILE THINGS BEAUTIFULLY EXPLODE it’s like the scene where legolas surfs down the stairs on a shield but for TWO HOURS
the romance is weirdly kinky there’s a lot of stuff about biting royalty and “your majesty” it’s very awkward
i love dogs i’ve always loved dogs
chicago looks nice, twinkles a lot
oscar-nominated actor eddie redmayne plays a simpering and exquisitely coiffeured evil space monarch who looks like the offspring of a lizard and a million rhinestones, delivers all his lines like someone’s pressing hard on his windpipe—and (to quote mark kermode) “with a petite-mort look on his face that suggests he is being fellated by eternity itself”
I CREATE LIIIIIIFE shrieks balem abrasax for that is his name
every dress in this film is gorgeous except that wedding dress which looks like it’s badly infested with red tinsel-fungus
RIVENDELL WITH SPACESHIPS
space lizards are very eloquent
space capitalism is the absolute worst
nikki amuka-bird is delightful
having made brazil terry gilliam now required to show up in every dystopian sci-fi about capitalist hell in a sequence that could literally be from terry gilliam’s brazil
SEAN BEAN IS A GRUFF NORTHERN SPACE COP MAN-BEE, likes to have wrestling matches with channing tatum about feelings and (SPOILER ALERT) does not die the universe is out of balance there will be hell to pay for this
there is one shirt for all the male characters and sean bean is wearing it
BEES DON’T LIE
this film is a glory i could cry
I forgot about this post
i need to rewatch this film this film is art and a reflection of my soul