a-mountain-ash:

Second installment in my ficlet per gif series from this amazing gifset ! Also on AO3! 

“No, you had a
choice. You just made the wrong one.” The disappointment in Dean’s face
will break him, he’s sure of it. Whatever happens to him when all of this is
done, Cas will be ruined by the pain he has caused Dean, but he can’t change
that.

“You don’t
understand. It’s complicated.” I never wanted him involved in this. He
should never have become involved. If I could have just saved Sam properly,
they wouldn’t be here right now.

“No, actually,
it’s not, and you know that. Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret,
huh, unless you knew it was wrong? When crap like this comes around, we deal
with it… Like we always have. What we don’t do is we don’t go out and make another
deal with the Devil!”

That’s where Castiel
snaps. Dean has no right. He may be the Righteous Man, but the ground he stands
upon is far from holy.

“How dare
you?” He roars. Dean takes a step back from the indignant fury suddenly
written in the lines of his face. “We make
deals with the Devil all the time. Your father made a deal to save you. You
made a deal to save your brother and got the apocalypse running. Your brother
literally made bed with a demon.“ 

He watches Dean’s
face tighten as he hurls indictment after indictment upon him. They are not
above Castiel. Their choices are no holier.

“If you want to
be angry at me because I kept a secret or because I damaged your brother, then
fine. I am guilty of those crimes. But you do not get to play jury for a crime
you have also committed. I did this to protect you, Dean. You were free and you
were safe and I chose the lesser of two evils in order to keep you that
way.”

Dean stares back at
him with a stricken face, his green eyes illuminated by the angry red holy
fire. Castiel doesn’t know what he expects from the eldest Winchester in the
face of these truths. He has never admitted fault easily, despite the intensity
of his self-loathing. Tears are beginning to swell in the corners of his eyes
and Castiel can’t keep pace with his ever-evolving emotions.

“But why
though, Cas? Why was letting me have that life so important to you?” His
voice is pitching higher and Castiel hears the desperation in it, sees the pain
in his face, but he doesn’t know what Dean wants him to say. 

“You had Lisa
and a family, you were safe, and you were happy. I couldn’t-” Castiel
falters, but Bobby and Sam have ceased to exist and all he sees are Dean’s
eyes, begging him to explain. “If I couldn’t give you those things, at
least someone else could. I did everything that I did so that I could save this
world. For everyone on it, yes, but for you.”

“Cas, the price
is too steep.” A broken chuckle bursts out of the Winchester’s chest and
the sound grates at Castiel’s nerves. The angel dreads what he will say next
and it makes his insides cold in a way he rarely feels. “I’m not worth that." 

Rage surges up
against the dread and he steps as close to the holy fire as he can bear. He
thinks it would be easier to cross than the schism growing between himself and
Dean. "To me, you’re worth everything." 

Dean freezes in his
spot, staring wide eyed and afraid in the face of Castiel’s confession. They
meet one another’s gaze unwaveringly, unbothered by the heat of the flame or
the distance between them. So much distance and yet Castiel thinks this is the
closest they will ever be again. Demons roar in the distance, and Castiel knows
time is short.

"You need to
go!” He shouts over the storm descending on the cabin.

“We can fix
this, Cas.” Dean pleads. Something indefinable rubs the edges of his voice
raw. It’s some combination of devotion and fury he’s never heard before. He
thinks that if he could give the right answer that Dean would take him back,
perhaps gradually grow to trust him again. “Don’t do this to me." 

It’s barely a
whisper, but it thunders in his ears as if Dean had prayed it. He’s not doing
this to Dean, though. He’s doing it for himself. Someday, Dean may understand
that, or he may not, but he’s worth the sacrifice.

"It’s not
broken.” 

It may not be, but
when Dean looks back at Castiel one last time, he is.

Check that word of the day, @charmedbycastiel 😉 

Part [i]