Tag: that mark kermode quote

chasertiff:

colorfuloddity:

elucipher:

JUPITER ASCENDING

  • if cinderella, star wars, the matrix, dune, the fifth element, flash gordon, the chronicles of riddick, interstellar, brazil, and america’s next top model were genetically spliced together, the resulting offspring would still not be as utterly catastrophically ridiculous as jupiter ascending
  • this film is beautiful it’s glittering and dust and stars and roiling hurricanes and gleaming insectile spaceships and fire and a million million candles in high-arching space cathedrals
  • WIDE SHOT OF PLANET WHILE MAJESTIC ORCHESTRAL SCORE
  • should be called jupiter descending mila kunis spends ninety percent of this film falling out of the sky until rescued by channing tatum who is a tortured wolf-man wearing bad elf-ears and flying skates
  • SKATING IN MID AIR WHILE THINGS BEAUTIFULLY EXPLODE it’s like the scene where legolas surfs down the stairs on a shield but for TWO HOURS
  • the romance is weirdly kinky there’s a lot of stuff about biting royalty and “your majesty” it’s very awkward
  • i love dogs i’ve always loved dogs
  • chicago looks nice, twinkles a lot
  • oscar-nominated actor eddie redmayne plays a simpering and exquisitely coiffeured evil space monarch who looks like the offspring of a lizard and a million rhinestones, delivers all his lines like someone’s pressing hard on his windpipe—and (to quote mark kermode) “with a petite-mort look on his face that suggests he is being fellated by eternity itself”
  • I CREATE LIIIIIIFE shrieks balem abrasax for that is his name
  • every dress in this film is gorgeous except that wedding dress which looks like it’s badly infested with red tinsel-fungus
  • RIVENDELL WITH SPACESHIPS
  • space lizards are very eloquent
  • space capitalism is the absolute worst
  • nikki amuka-bird is delightful
  • having made brazil terry gilliam now required to show up in every dystopian sci-fi about capitalist hell in a sequence that could literally be from terry gilliam’s brazil
  • SEAN BEAN IS A GRUFF NORTHERN SPACE COP MAN-BEE, likes to have wrestling matches with channing tatum about feelings and (SPOILER ALERT) does not die the universe is out of balance there will be hell to pay for this
  • there is one shirt for all the male characters and sean bean is wearing it
  • BEES DON’T LIE
  • this film is a glory i could cry

I forgot about this post

i need to rewatch this film this film is art and a reflection of my soul