eatingwordswithkittywitch:

This post is me acknowelging that some people go onto tumblr to escape the real world and to soothe themselves after stressful experiences, so if they block or ignore social justice and news stories so that their decompression isn’t interrupted with yet more stress, it is not only no one’s business but it makes perfect sense.

Never judge people for not reblogging something.

sussexbound:

hansbekhart:

xsourpussx:

egodram:

fuckyeahsexpositivity:

blackwaifu:

goldstarprivilege:

appropriately-inappropriate:

hellomissmayhem:

gaywitchesforabortions:

tehbewilderness:

the-fly-agaric:

bajo-el-mar:

Reading about abusive men and the way they think. Very unsettling and an incredible book so far. Here are my very professional notes.

what book is this?

This is from “Why Does He DO That” by Lundy Bancroft.

I’m so glad I’m seeing more and more Lundy Bancroft quotes on my dash because this book CHANGES THE LIVES OF ABUSE VICTIMS.

The programs run for rehabilitating abusive men through the courts? Bancroft DESIGNED THEM. His programs are replicated ALL OVER THE WORLD.
He literally wrote THE book on abuser rehabilitation.

Here’s a link to a pdf copy. If you haven’t read this book yet, read this book.

Can we talk about how it seems like the entirety of the book is online on PDF, this making it accessible to anyone with an internet connection?

That is how we stop abuse.

We enable everyone to know what it looks like, so that when it happens, they can shut it down.

Arm yrself with knowledge!

Changed my life, would reccomend.

Reblogging for the PDF link.

—BB

Always reblogging because this isn’t just a partner abuse thing, this is a common abuse tactic PERIOD: Parents, siblings, bosses, general assholes, etc…

http://www.pdf-archive.com/2014/07/20/why-does-he-do-that/why-does-he-do-that.pdf

new link (the old one is broken)

Pretty sure I’ve reblogged this like eight times, don’t care.

The link it broken again, so here’s an updated one: https://www.pdf-archive.com/2015/10/21/why-does-he-do-that/

buckyballbearing:

arashi-of-ota:

buckyballbearing:

I had the lightning rod realization why The Discourse about fiction feels so alien to me

It’s because 99% of the arguments boil down to denying an individual’s agency

Fiction is one of the safest ways to exercise your right to choose – especially fanfic, which comes with an entire culture of tagging and content warning etiquette

If you go seeking fanfic on AO3, you can try new things with a fairly good understanding of what you’re getting yourself into

And if you get in over your head – you can close the window and walk away with no regrets

No real people were hurt in the production of words on a page – you aren’t sitting there thinking “gosh, I hope those people in this YouTube video survived that fall”

Fiction gives you the right to try on all kinds of ideas

Which is why I get so indignant when I see stuff like “XYZ content could be bad for some people, therefore it shouldn’t exist”

Or “what if minors clicked on porn for ABC fandom uwu”

The truth is, you have agency

My god, but you have agency

If you are old enough to be poking around these sites without parental supervision, you are old enough to start reading the warning labels on what you consume

And if that isn’t true for you? Then ask someone in your real life for help

(I have some pals who do ask me to screen fics for things that might trigger them)

But seriously, with fiction, you can choose what to access, and learn (in private) what you can handle

Don’t let anyone take your power

antis straight up don’t believe that people have agency. or at least, not agency enough to cancel out the other things that they believe have power over us.

they’re rooted in the same politics that gave us terfs/swerfs, aka radical feminism, which believes among other things that women can’t make free choices under patriarchy – like the choice to do sex work or engage in kink or any number of other things. the reasons women give for doing these things aren’t real reasons, the only reason they do them is because patriarchy has manipulated and brainwashed them into thinking these are acceptable things to do. it’s a “feminism” founded on the idea that most women (except the radfems themselves, of course) are not real agents.

hence the transphobia – because being a woman isn’t about how you feel, only about whether you were assigned in childhood to a particular sex-based second class

hence the biphobia – because bi is a “lesser” kind of gay, because it taints the true equality of gay relationships with imbalanced man/woman ones, which are always inherently coercive towards the woman because the man has all the power

hence the hate of kink, of stories with cruel or abusive themes, because if you like that sort of thing you can’t be trusted to know your own mind. at best you’re participating in your own oppression, mindlessly acting out the desires of a bunch of old white men circlejerking it to your humiliation. at worst, you’re a traitor who’s enabling and encouraging our pedophilic anti-woman overlords, the creators of all cruelty, without which we’d live in a lesbian separatist paradise with no war or suffering.

it can never be just because you find something valuable in reading about weird shit – the only people who could do that without gagging are oppresor menz or brainwashed women. (nb people don’t really fit in here, so they’re ignored.) try on ideas? but some of those ideas are Dangerous, Corrupting, Objectively Sick, and it’s our job to keep you away from them. there are some thoughts that are too awful to ever be admitted into your head, even for a moment, because they’ll change you.

i mean, this sounds like a stretch, but the more i read the more i see it all fit together. it might not be what people consciously believe, but it’s what created this radical exclusionary politics.

This is also why despite generally no longer caring about Fandom Discourse, there are times when I’m going to speak up

And I am deeply creeped out by this current thread in fandom that says “readers have no agency” for exactly the above reason

I’m not saying we can never be critical about unconscious bias, or issues within fandom like racist themes, sexist themes, etc

I’m saying that it’s deeply creepy to say “we must protect people from their own choices because they’re all equally impressionable babs uwu”, especially when it comes to niche fiction written by marginalized people

So on our message boards and in my many inboxes I read several dozen stories a year from miserable, lonely guys who insist that women won’t come near them despite the fact that they are just the nicest guys in the world.
So, what do you bring to the table? Because the Zooey Deschanel lookalike in the bookstore that you’ve been daydreaming about moisturizes her face for an hour every night and feels guilty when she eats anything other than salad for lunch. She’s going to be a surgeon in 10 years. What do you do?
“What, so you’re saying that I can’t get girls like that unless I have a nice job and make lots of money?“
No, your brain jumps to that conclusion so you have an excuse to write off everyone who rejects you by thinking that they’re just being shallow and selfish. I’m asking what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don’t say that you’re a nice guy — that’s the bare minimum. Pretty girls have guys being nice to them 36 times a day. The patient is bleeding in the street. Do you know how to operate or not?
“Well, I’m not sexist or racist or greedy or shallow or abusive! Not like those other douchebags!”
I’m sorry, I know that this is hard to hear, but if all you can do is list a bunch of faults you don’t have, then back the fuck away from the patient. There’s a witty, handsome guy with a promising career ready to step in and operate.
Does that break your heart? OK, so now what? Are you going to mope about it, or are you going to learn how to do surgery? It’s up to you, but don’t complain about how girls fall for jerks; they fall for those jerks because those jerks have other things they can offer. “But I’m a great listener!“ Are you? Because you’re willing to sit quietly in exchange for the chance to be in the proximity of a pretty girl (and spend every second imagining how soft her skin must be)? Well guess what, there’s another guy in her life who also knows how to do that, and he can play the guitar. Saying that you’re a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn’t make you sick. You’re like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is “The actors are clearly visible.”

David Wong,

”6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person”

(via alxesi)

sashayed:

Guys, it is now time to Block Trump. I know we all want to hold each other’s hands and scream WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS at every dribble that falls out of this trollfuck’s Governance Twitter. But we don’t have time for that shit anymore. I will not be dedicating any more energy to anything Sausage Fingers wants me dedicating energy to. No more irrelevance. Time to focus up.

THROUGH A RAPIST’S EYES” (PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. It may save a life, It may save your life.)

twdixonimagine:

the-third-weasley-twin:

send-a-fully-armed-batallion:

septicplier:

markiplitesaway:

chubbybiebz:

markiplier-is-rad:

angelofthelord221bigbluebox:

xphantasia:

deadgirldancing21:

brittanymichael:

echolessvoid:

An Article from Neena Susan Thomas


“Through a rapist’s eyes. A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interview…ed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three is public restrooms.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:

1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh – HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ….

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .

b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better safe than sorry.

If u have compassion reblog this post.
‘Helping hands are better than Praying Lips’ – give us your helping hand.

REBLOG THIS AND LET EVERY GIRL KNOW
AT LEAST PEOPLE WILL KNOW WHATS GOING ON IN THIS WORLD.
So please reblog this….Your one reblog can Help to spread this information.

THIS COULD ACTUALLY SAVE A LIFE.”

EVERYONE BOOT THE FUCK OUT OF THIS

This is so fucking unfortunate that we need this

it just makes me angry that women need this.. but we do and if you see this, PLEASE REBLOG. it doesn’t matter if you are a male or a female. by reblogging this, you might save someone’s life.

Don’t scroll past this, it’s so important

nothing to do with what my posts are normally about but this is SO damn important!! don’t scroll past without reading and / or reblogging!

this is fucking important. Idc if your blog is perfect, fucking reblog this. It may save someone.

Not what I reblog onto here normally but this is important.

NEVER NOT REBLOG THIS

Hi hello even if you are not a woman please reblog this.

Something to think about

Instead of an imagine, I’m gonna help save your life

beautifulxconundrum:

rnr4ev:

thedatingfeminist:

Our culture really romanticises the idea
of a brooding misunderstood loner who’s an asshole to everyone
but secretly has a heart of gold, so it’s frighteningly easy to meet a guy who treats everyone around him badly and believe without evidence that he has a heart of gold. 

Don’t fall for it.

And a lapse in cruelty is not evidence of kindness.

“A lapse in cruelty is not evidence of kindness”
Bolded because that line is so incredibly important

Someone on my dash needs to see this.

lovelyjakeenglish:

why is it that whenever someone on this site makes a post about being attracted to boys, or a post about how boys are cute, someone has to shut them down? “um, you meant girls”. “boys are disgusting!”. “i hate boys, they’re gross!”. “boys are terrible, you mean girls!”.

like, no. shut the fuck up. they meant boys. people are allowed to like boys. people are allowed to love boys. it’s not wrong to find boys attractive. do not trample all over someone’s self esteem like that. what’s wrong with you? boys deserve love and validation just as much as everyone else.

boys deserve compliments. boys deserve kindness. boys deserve love. boys deserve affection. boys deserve validation. boys deserve to be accepted. boys deserve respect. boys deserve positivity. boys aren’t disgusting. boys are important too.

feminism is not shitting all over boys.

you are hurting people.

stop it.

allophobia:

what society needs to understand is that friendship and romance are not ranks, tiers, or levels. they are not above or below each other. romance is not a promotion. friendship is not a demotion. romance is not “more than” being friends with someone. friendship and romance are concepts that exist on equal terms, side by side. sometimes they happen to coincide. other times they never intersect at all. how relationships are classified is up to the individuals involved but like?? neither is inherently more or less valuable is the thing

jenniferrpovey:

halfdesiqueen:

here’s the problem with people of color being excluded from fantasy and sci fi narratives (additional to the problem with people of color being excluded from all narratives in general):

sci fi/fantasy is supposed to be the realm of “anything is possible.” and when white people remove people of color from the realm of “anything is possible,” the overt implication is that the presence of people of color is what holds us back from achieving the impossible. it’s like, in order to create a beautiful, amazing, fantastic world, we have to kick out all the brown and black people. that’s the point. that’s what they’re saying.

Take this to heart, white writers. Even if you do not feel up to writing a brown or black protagonist, at least don’t white wash the future.