I really hate how “your partner shouldn’t be a psychic” has evolved into “you cannot expect your partner to be intuitive to your needs or wants at all” because that’s… quite frankly ugly and a really good way to make your relationship feel like a chore.
I pay attention to the things my partners like and Store That™ in my little brainspace until it becomes useful. My bf likes tea. We were cleaning out an office full of stuff yesterday and they had some tea leftover they would’ve thrown out, so I took it home to him. Wow! He didn’t tell me he needed or wanted that, but he appreciated it because it’s something he likes.
Not everything has to be some grand gesture to show your s/o that you’re into them and you’re paying attention to them. I recall someone saying they wrote down things about their S/O and their interests so they could look back and remind themselves since their memory sucked. Things like that matter.
And I think it’s really cruel to tell people, and especially women who this type of shit is always put towards, that they aren’t allowed to want romance or spontaneity because it’s an “unreasonable” expectation. It really isn’t. Healthy communication does not inherently mean constant hand-holding.
“‘You can’t arrest the commander of an army!’ ‘Actually, Mr. Vimes, I think we could,’ said Carrot. ‘And the army, too. I mean, I don’t see why we can’t. We could charge them with behavior likely to cause a breach of the peace, sir. I mean, that’s what warfare IS.’ Vimes’s face split in a manic grin. ‘I LIKE it.’ ‘But in fairness our–that is, the Ankh-Morpork army–are also–’ ‘Then you’d better arrest them, too,’ said Vimes. ‘Arrest the lot of ‘em. Conspiracy to cause an affray,’ he started to count on his fingers, ‘going equipped to commit a crime, obstruction, threatening behavior, loitering with intent, loitering WITHIN tent, hah, traveling for the purposes of committing a crime, malicious lingering and carrying concealed weapons.’”
— Terry Pratchett, “Jingo” (And the thing is, we laugh at this because the idea of Sam Vimes arresting two armies IS funny. But on top of being funny–and on top of Vimes trying to pile on the charges here with this list–Pratchett intended with this book above all else to characterize war as, in itself, a crime. In this case, a war started because of a lie and because of racial/ethnic/national prejudice. But we’re meant to be thinking about this. When is war NOT a crime, when you get down to what most people think crimes are? Why is killing people okay and legal when it’s war, for one thing? Why is it legal to loot places when you conquer them? Why isn’t it murder and theft? Well?)
Every time I hate my body I remember that there are millions of old rich white men who benefit from my self hatred and if there’s one thing I hate, it’s old rich white men so I snap out of that shit instantly cos I ain’t EVER giving them the satisfaction.
Oh my fucKING GOD
Wait stop this is a game changer.
i have reblogged this 4 times; i have thought about this every fucking day
Reminder!
“If every woman in the world woke up tomorrow and decided that she loved herself and loved her body just the way it is, how many industries would go out of business?”
IMPORTANT
Hey look a few more industries for us millennials to kill!
This is the most motivating thing I’ve ever seen in regards to me stopping hating on my self
Attention non-artists who commission artists: don’t fuckin do this???
Actually had someone do this to me too. Was doing a art stream, it took me over 2 hours to do his inked commission, he got a refund cause ‘it took too long’ that he figured I wasn’t going to do it after I gave him the file.
Don’t do this. Do not.
I’ve had this happen to me with a $350 comic I had already finished it, it was full color, 6 panels and had a full bg in every panel. I was lucky in that I didn’t spend him money yet, but it left me without funds. I’ve also had the above happen to me as well.
Don’t do this shit to artists. We’re people too. Drawing for you is more than a hobby. It’s a job.
Use Paypal Invoices.
I cannot stress this enough. That shit helps A LOT when it comes down to Paypal refunds/disputes.
There’s a description box that let’s you put in what the product is/how long it’ll take/yadda yadda, and then there’s another little memo box that only you and paypal can see where you can say it’s a digital commission and doesn’t require shipping (So Donald Mcfuck can’t say that they never got their commission).
And there’s also a box for your Terms & Conditions where you can say, if you have any conflicts/want a refund – email me, or you can actually tell the user that this is a digital commission and they won’t be getting a hard copy of it.
ARTISTS. PLEASE USE PAYPAL INVOICES. it will SAVE you. And to: the people who do this to artists – Fuck you. It’s okay if you change your mind and want a refund. But freaking TALK to us and let us know what’s going on. Let us WORK with you.
ALSO A HUGE TIP: Invoices paid will automatically set up a shipping notice which, if not fulfilled, can land you in SERIOUS hot water with PayPal. Since a lot of artists don’t print and ship the commissions, this is a huge problem.
However! Totally manageable. Just go to your PayPal, scroll down to find Seller Preferences
>> Shipping Preferences
>> Display Ship Button. Make sure all the boxes are unchecked. Then you’re all set!
As a big supporter of artists, don’t you ever fucking dare fuck over an artist like that. Like don’t. And if they take their time to do a good job, don’t shit all over them for it! Don’t be a fucking ass hole. Just don’t. These people put a LOT of work and time and effort into their artwork. Just don’t be that guy. Often times these artists aren’t even getting what they deserve in compensation.
I am very grateful my customers have been good to me, but I’m spreading the word.
Very important!
As a new artist, I’m very grateful for this post. Never knew this. Thank you.
i spent christmas alone while my family got together and fought, and honestly i feel so good about this
i bought myself presents, cooked a big meal, drank wine and watched Home Alone 3 w/ my dog. I don’t feel sorry for myself at all.
meanwhile my sister threatened to disown my dad so he threatened to disown her, while my mom enabled and my other sister downed a bottle of wine to deal.
on the other side of the country, i was busy discovering, to my delight, that the that the 3rd installment of the Home Alone franchise not only stood up to the test of time, but contains some of the best oneliners and comedic timing I have ever seen.
honestly, keep toxic people out of your life. family isn’t everything, and bad family is often worse than no family. don’t be afraid to put in some distance, especially during high stress times like the holidays. you don’t actually owe them anything.
being alone for the holidays is so much better than being with people who make you unhappy.
Fields where men get paid millions to do the exact same thing as women who get paid… fewer millions, are a nice illustration of how blatant misogyny can be, but uh… I don’t actually want those women to get paid more to match the unconscionable wealth of those men.
It’s not one of my feminist goals for a few incredibly privileged women to join their incredibly privileged male peers in hoarding ridiculous amounts of wealth for status and fun while people are dying for want of food and appropriate medical care and housing.
I’m more interested in building a world where it’s unthinkable to selfishly hoard the resources others are dying for. My feminist goal is for no woman anywhere to be trapped in an abusive home because she can’t afford to leave, for no woman anywhere to be imprisoned for crimes of poverty, for no woman anywhere to slowly die from malnutrition or exposure or treatable illness.
The women who receive far more money than they need and do not distribute the excess to those who desperately need it, the women who choose status and power and luxury over solidarity and mutual aid – those women do not need or deserve my help in hoarding even more wealth. They are not my feminist sisters; they are oppressors of poor women everywhere.
The resources our society as a whole has created are being funnelled year by year into a smaller and smaller pool of hyperrich people who do nothing to counteract the injustice of their wealth. My goal is not to make that tiny pool of resource-hoarders half women.
It’s to find ways to change the society that allows and even encourages the hoarding of the tools people need to survive. My other goal in the meantime is to contribute to systems of mutual aid and engage in other forms of activism to help protect actually vulnerable women from misogyny and all other intersecting forms of oppression.
tl;dr – When men are destroying the world out of greed, feminists should be invested in stopping them, not in demanding to join them. A capitalist feminism is useless, because it will always hold more loyalty to wealth than to women.
freedom of speech means that the government is not allowed to tell you to shut the fuck up. it doesn’t mean that i am not allowed to tell you to shut the fuck up.
Intimacy is beyond kisses and cuddles and sex. Intimacy is getting a headache and taking a nap, and waking up to your laundry folded and your partner rubbing your back. Intimacy is crying and yelling at night about your past to someone who listens and comforts you. Intimacy is watching shows in your pjs for hours and eating pizza together and being able to communicate love through holding hands. It’s never running out of conversation but doing it anyways to enjoy silence.
last week i saw some article on buzzfeed or or the cut or wherever describing the new phrase “body-neutrality” by which they mean roughly the same thing that i call “weaponized ugliness” or my other tag “existing as revolutionary praxis”. body positivity is well-meaning but not for everyone and sometimes harmful.
i have a body, it has a certain shape and function, it has certain colors and marks and scars and curves and angles and sexy parts and unsexy parts. i don’t need to love it and i don’t have to hate it. i’m allowed to just have it be there, a tool for my use and an essential part of my humanity. i can be ugly or pretty, that’s irrelevant to my right to decent medical care and clothes that fit and respect from strangers. i can be any shape or size or color or gender and still deserve those rights.
telling me to love my body is still policing my energy and my thoughts and my spending habits and my self respect. instead tell me i’m allowed to feel however i want about my body. give me bodily autonomy. body neutrality means let me decide what i need or want to do with the skin i’m in.
I had already finished it, it was full color, 6 panels and had a full bg in every panel. I was lucky in that I didn’t spend him money yet, but it left me without funds. I’ve also had the above happen to me as well.
shealwaysreads 