Yes. Writing a book is the easiest thing in the whole world. In fact, let me show you just how easy it is!
Goal: change all this paper into a book.
Eh, not that hard. I mean, you just have to read, right?
Maybe scratch a few notes in the margins as reminders.
Yeah, writing and editing isn’t time consuming or painstaking at all.
In fact, I find it quite relaxing. Good meditation. No stress whatsoever!
I mean, it’s not like writing a book involves any train of thought or decision making, like when to cut scenes, because whatever you write is perfect and there to stay!
I mean, come on, it’s not like I’m going to rewrite the first chapter 51 TIMES to make sure it’s how I want it, right? That’d be crazy.
And no, it’s not like I spent over 3,000 HOURS READING AND REVISING 14 DRAFTS OF THE BOOK to make this book readable.
No sweat, no tears, no blood, and DEFINITELY no coffee stains.
Nope, writing is the easiest job in the world. I don’t see why anyone thinks otherwise. I mean, all we do is scribble words and take a few out, right?
We feel no satisfaction AT ALL when we receive a shipment of the final product for a book signing. *yawn* BOR–ING.
Nope, we don’t get excited at all. It’s just another day in the life.
And the sequels? Bitch, please. That’s child’s play.
You’re right. Writing a book is so easy. It’s not stressful, not exciting, and it’s definitely not worth the reward of holding something that USED TO BE EXCLUSIVELY IN YOUR HEAD AND NOW YOU GET TO SHARE IT WITH THE WHOLE WORLD.
Me: Time to write straight-up porn with zero plot
Brain: How about a 5-page introduction
Me: What no that isn’t what I —
Brain: Or metaphors about space
Brain: Or memories about family inside jokes for backstory purposes
Brain: Or exposition about where and when this is happening
Brain: Or detailed descriptions of the bathroom
Brain: Or insightful–
Me: Oh my god no why are you like this
Brain:
Brain: May I offer you this unnecessary side story about the character’s dead grandmother in this trying time
Me: I just wanted to write spitroasting
Fiction’s about what it is to be a f*cking human being.
writer: *stops mid-sentence* damn what’s the word I want?
writer: *spends 25 minutes on google trying to figure out the right vocab word*
writer: *gets a paragraph done*
writer: *starts another sentence, stops* what is that really specific fact I need?
writer: *spends an hour trying to figure out this obscure thing that probably doesn’t actually matter*
writer: Wait what’s that thing called again?
writer: *has no idea how to search for what I need*
writer: *ends up digging through blogs and other archived websites for details*
writer: *needs to reference source material for fact checking*
writer: *has to eat and sleep at some point*
writer: should it be “she regards him with disdain” or “she glares at him with disdain” ??? (hint: it doesnt matter but gunna go back and forth over it for an hour)
writer: *gets distracted by the internet in general*
writer: HOW IS THIS ONLY 800 WORDS???????
writer: fuck proofreading
writer: okay fine i’ll proofread.
writer: holy shit this is awful.
writer: *reworks entire sections*
writer: *doesn’t think I’m good enough as a writer and stops for a few days*
writer: repeat process as needed.
the older I get, the less patience I have for the idea that a story is inherently complex or #deep because it has a bittersweet or tragic ending, or that people who like for things to end on a happy note are simple-minded weaklings who can’t handle harsh realities and mature storytelling.
Look, shit is fucked. Life is a mess. Sometimes it’s a struggle to even come up with a reason to go on. I respect that media should be realistic and true to life, but fucking sue me, for once I just want to see the bad guys eat shit while the good guys ride off into the sunset and never have anything bad happen to them ever again. I don’t care if it’s unrealistic or implausible, that’s why it’s a fucking story. I have enough tragedy in my real life, thanks.
there is honestly nothing better than getting an email saying “you’ve got kudos!” and you open to see that someone has gone through all your work and liked it
like, you liked my stuff enough that you felt compelled to read multiple works?? you are my newest best friend, let me buy you a muffin and give you a hug, you are the best
shealwaysreads 